My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
