who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
