So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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