I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
