I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
