i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize