My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
