i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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