dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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