Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize