I am puke
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
