if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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