After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You were trust falling into bushes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
