I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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