She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
