I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
