Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My penis needs a shock collar
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
