Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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