i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
