Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
