Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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