We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
