i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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