You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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