would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
