im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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