I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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