Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
