brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
