Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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