You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
