Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
