I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
