to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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