Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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