You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
