I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
