Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
