its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
