Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize