I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
