Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
