my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
