Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
