I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
