I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
