Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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