Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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