3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So much rum. So many feels.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
