Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
