I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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