My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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