the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You took a bar mat shot.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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