youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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