True but thats because hes a fetus.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize