So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
