we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
