this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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