That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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