You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
