I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
