you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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