i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
