I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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