You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
