please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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