one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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