...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
