im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
