Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
