I am full of burrito and curiosity
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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