I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
