i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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