Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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