.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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