sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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