The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
