are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
