so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
