They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
