Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
