had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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