Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
