i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
