I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You were trust falling into bushes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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