her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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